THIS IS HARD………….
Hi…Thanks for offering your thoughts on my problem. I have only had this for such a short time and I really havent even come to grips with this. I was widowed almost 3 years ago and since then my life has been downhill. I came back to Canada from Holland
because I really hated it there. I was doing ok until about 3 months ago. I have always remembered some of this but always kept it away from me.
Since this has happened I have had so many terrible memories and flashbacks come to me. I will not talk about the details because I cannot talk very well about it yet without panicking. Anyway I was physically, mentally and sexually abused for pretty well all my life from my Dad and my husband. So many things that I somehow managed to block out are driving me a little nutty now. I have the same nightmare almost every single night about the last time my husband violently raped me and tried to kill me.
I can barely handle life day to day and have almost managed to try to overdose myself on Paxil not long ago.I thank god I didnt
succeed.
I am working so hard at counselling and getting myself together here. My doctor, an md , thinks the counselling is making me worse and I should quit and just forget about it and get a life. I have very little trust in her any more. Everytime I go in there I come out with something new. On top of the anitdepressants I also have sleeping pills and tranquilizers. She just hands it out and then asks me if I am suicidal.
Anyway this is long enough and kind of difficult to write for me.
Take care all, thinking of you…
Jackie
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